toddler sleep: the balance between boundaries and comfort
As babies grow into toddlers, their sleep needs—and their behaviour—start to shift. Bedtime may become more emotional, with new challenges like resistance, delay tactics (if i need to sing one more baby shark I may cry), or fears popping up. If your once-smooth sleep routine has started to unravel, you’re not alone.
The toddler years are a time of major developmental leaps, and sleep can take a hit. The good news? You can support your toddler through it all by finding the sweet spot between holding firm boundaries and offering loving comfort.
Boundaries: Why They Matter
Toddlers are learning how the world works. They test limits to understand what’s safe and predictable. Having clear sleep boundaries gives them that sense of security.
Examples of healthy bedtime boundaries:
A consistent bedtime and wind-down routine
A set number of books, songs, or cuddles (for us it is atleast 3 over the top, extremely loud animal noises in “the farmer in the dell”
Saying goodnight and sticking to your exit—even with protests
Boundaries might bring up big feelings, but they’re actually comforting. When toddlers know what to expect, they feel safer and more in control.
Comfort: Why It’s Just As Important
Holding space for your toddler’s emotions helps them feel seen and supported. This doesn’t mean giving in to every request, but it does mean staying present and connected.
Ways to hold space:
Acknowledge their feelings: “You’re upset that it’s bedtime. That’s okay.”
Stay calm and reassuring: “I know you don’t want me to go, but it’s time to sleep. I love you, I will see you in the morning”
Let them express emotion while still keeping the boundary in place
This balance builds trust. Your child learns that their feelings matter and that sleep is safe and non-negotiable.
The Power of a Predictable Wind-Down Routine
A consistent, calming bedtime routine signals to your toddler’s body and brain that sleep is coming. It eases the transition from busy, active play to rest—and helps reduce battles at lights-out.
Routines don’t need to be rigid. They can be fun!
Let your toddler “help” with the routine (pick pajamas, choose a book, turn off the light)
Add a silly song, a goodnight dance, or a low stimulation activities to make it playful, we love cutting fruit with a toddler friendly knife
Keep the steps consistent: bath, pajamas, books, cuddles, bed time
When bedtime becomes something to look forward to—not a power struggle—everyone benefits. Predictability brings safety. Fun brings connection.
Normal Toddler Sleep Needs & Nap Expectations
Understanding your toddler’s sleep needs can help set realistic expectations and support better rest.
Typical Sleep Needs by Age:
Age Total Sleep Needed (24 hrs) Naps
12–18 months. 13–14 hours 1–2 naps (consolidating to 1)
18–24 months 12.5–13.5 hours 1 nap (~1.5–2 hrs)
2–3 years. 12–13 hour 1 nap (~1–2 hrs)
3–4 years 11–12 hours Some toddlers drop nap by 3.5–4
Note: It’s normal for toddlers to resist naps even when they still need them. Staying consistent with nap routines helps their bodies catch up with their brains!
What About Nightmares?
Sleep terrors (also known as night terrors) can be scary—for you more than your child. These usually occur in the first few hours of sleep during the deep (non-REM) stage, and your child may:
Cry or scream suddenly
Appear awake but be unresponsive
Breathe quickly or sweat
Not remember the episode the next day
What to do during a sleep terror:
Don’t try to wake them—this can increase confusion
Stay close, ensure safety, and wait it out
Keep the room dark, cool, and calm
Maintain a consistent bedtime to reduce overtiredness (a common trigger)
Sleep terrors are not caused by bad dreams or trauma—they’re developmental and usually outgrown with time, your child actually will not remember them either so try not to bring them up the next day.
Navigating toddler sleep is all about connection and consistency. By holding loving boundaries and staying emotionally available, you teach your toddler that sleep is safe—even when it brings up big feelings. Toddler bed time can be a really enjoyable and fun
If your nights feel overwhelming or your toddler’s sleep is unpredictable, we are here to help. With gentle, responsive strategies tailored to your child’s needs, we can bring more rest—and peace—back into your home and most importantly make toddler bed time fun, enjoyable and stress free!